RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW



 

 1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

 

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.

 

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

 

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

 

5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.

 

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

 

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Angelina Jolie’s lips, the shotgun formation and Tiger Woods.

 

8. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, especially if we’re already late.

 

11. You have enough clothes.

 

12. You have too many shoes.

 

13. Crying is blackmail.

 

14. Your ex-boyfriend (or ex-husband) is an idiot.

 

15. Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

 

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

 

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.

 

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

 

 

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your Girlfriends are for.

 

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

 

23. Check your oil.

 

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

 

25. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.

 

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

 

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

28. If you won’t dress like theVictoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

 

31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

 

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done; not both.

 

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during TV commercials.

 

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

 

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

 

36. More women should wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

 

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

 

38. Men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

 

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

 

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

 

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

 

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

 

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is NOT proof of how little we care about you.

 

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her together.

 

46. Typing is not our hobby.

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Ad review! 308


Sep27
Usiseme Maziwa, sema Ngombe
My friends, the ad we’re reviewing today even beats the ‘Show is on’ ad which is also really bad, I even suspect it was written by one of the cows at the show. Moving on, I don’t even know the name of the ‘Milk’ being advertised. I couldn’t find a soft copy of the ad, but I’ll try and paint a mental picture
The ad opens with Wilbroda (From Papa Shiradula) shouting about water boiling and she doesn’t have milk. Her two minions (Jalango and another idiot from Papa Shiradula) are ‘sent’ to the kiosk to buy ‘Ngombe’ … they get to the shop and they keep saying ‘Ngombe’ they get their milk and walk back to the house where there’s more of ‘Usiseme Maziwa, Sema Ngombe’ waiiit .. .is Ngombe the brand name?

What is wrong with that ad? Well, it’s milk! It’s not like it’s a special product, even Wa-Jimmy can start selling milk if she can stop drinking everything her cow gives her. See this campaign is utter garbage cause it’s JUST NORMAL! What is the brand’s unique selling point? Is their milk creamier? More vitamins? Will your milk make my dick bigger? Will it make me make more money??? Why SHOULD I buy your product? You can’t just fucking fly with ‘Fresh’ fresh is what I had this morning ‘cause I live on a farm!
Plus, they should have used all that money on the ad to making neater packs, Daima (I saw it jana on the shelves) has a brilliant eye catching design, on the shelf, it stands out, I’m not sure if their product is all that.
Another fault for the campaign is expecting ‘Stars’ to sell their product through endorsements. See, most marketers don’t get it; a star endorsement only works if what the star does can tie back to your brand values. Look at Kiwi, the brand prides itself in making you shine when your shoes shine. They went for a lad who is shining because of his many wins across track fields in the world!
Now, let’s go back to the milk product … if I see Jalango endorsing that product, I won’t go … Oh Jesus! Gimme some of that, I’ll slowly walk away from the product, I don’t know if it’s the product that powers his ujinga.
Finally, to the stars themselves, I don’t know why they don’t realize they’re a brand. Look at Papa, he made a shit load from a Coke ad. He can’t TAKE a shit product and plaster his face on it, now Wilbroda is jumping from one brand to another and worse, they don’t help build her, they’re just exploiting her madness as a character.
I even have a slight problem with Suzzane Owiyo, I love love her music … lady has skills, but to do endorse a toilet cleaning product??? If she was on something like Strepsils, it would WORK perfectly, she’s an artist and I’m sure sore throats are kawaida to her.

THE MYTHS


There is NOTHING wrong with using toys!! And there is
NOTHING wrong with a woman masturbating. Women who know how to please themselves
have even better sex with their partners coz they know their bodies and how
they work, they guide their partner into satisfying them. Vibrators will never
replace men. They cant hold you, kiss you, whisper sweet nothings into your
ear, marry you or make you pregnant. So men should not feel threatened by
them!! Then, lets face it, at some point in their lives, men will go through
the mid-life crisis and start going after under 18’s, leaving their wives
sexually deprived. Others will be too busy trying to make their first milli so
they get home exhausted and all they want to do is sleep. Yet others will go
for greener pastures far from home, leaving their wives behind. So the woman
will either use a toy to satisfy their need, or get a toy boy to do it. (Or
both). Good thing is, she has a choice

Lets debunk some myths about sex toys

1. 1. If a woman
has a sex toy she won’t need a man – WRONG!! Sex with a man is much more than
the physical. Women will still need a man’s touch. Toy enhance the physical
pleasure , but when you have good chemistry with a man, you get emotionally and
mentally turned on in addition to the physical. So toys don’t have to be a
supplement, they are in fact a complement.

2. 2. Toys can be addictive – Well, maybe, maybe not. You
can get addicted to many things. Smoking, Drugs, Alcohol…those will cause you
harm, maybe even kill you. But not sex toys (unless you choke on them). Thing
is, you can still get back to having sex with your partner and enjoying it
without using sex toys. I dont know why people have the notion that if you own a sex toy you’ll be using it every single day then sijui your nerve will become numb and all that. Even when you have a sex partner, you dont have sex every day. The first few days youll be excited about it, yes. But you wont ati need to do it every single day, really. Ask Tommy, my cute purple vibrator. I dont remember when I last saw him, let alone used him.

3. 3. Sex toys are morally wrong – Using a sex toy
doesn’t make you “weird,” it helps provide pleasure, creativity and
adventure to your sex life. There is nothing immoral about
it and if someone has that opinion, well that’s just that, their opinion. And
people have maaaaany opinions about everything. Bottom line, its your sex life.
Youre responsible for your own satisfaction so don’t be asking for anyone else’s
opinion coz they wont be having sex for you!!

Women using vibrators
experience better sexual function and a more satisfying sex life. You get to
higher levels of arousal, increased libido and more frequent orgasms.
You need to explore more, don’t live an orgasm-less sex life yet the man always
gets to cum! Id love the vibrator with a remote control. Id love to play a
naughty game where I have the vibrator in my nini then my partner has the
remote and we are in a public place and he keeps pressing the buttons.And
on that note, Im going shopping for a remote controlled vibrator on

Have y’all heard


Boni Odinga ships out!! 52

JUL
21
So it seems Boni Odinga (Who is not exactly bony) ran out of chairs to throw at his seniors. He quit KTN yesterday, he’s been at the media house for several years and he OWNED the ‘weird stories’ on TV. Dude did everything to get a weird angle, even reporting in the middle of a police battle with hawkers. Dude showed us he’d risk a jiwe to the ritho for fame.

He won a CNN award for his ‘bravery’ lol and afterwards he went to the UK and came back to find his peers had moved on to bigger things and KTN was not ready to hand him a big post just ‘cause he was in the UK.

We wish him well, and we hope whoever is going to hire him next has invested in light seats.

Btw this is most likely to be an open post ‘cause I just woke up! Have a nica day Ninjas or as the media calls you know ‘Monsters’ no relation to the Lady Gaga madness.

Inbound


I-Tech became one of the latest entrants onto the web scene by publishing on of their creations the ‘Klub Konnect’. Am hoping comes the latest web creation sensations in Kenya coz U guy this is some good stuff. Local content for the Local and quite possibly International Crowd.Check it out and you be the judge.

http://klubkonnect.me.ke/

Also check out other creations by:

Eugene Mechumo

George Wanjohi