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Now, I’m TIRED of polling in this country, yaani jana a company called Smart Octopus … wait … let us talk about that name! WHAT THE FUCK is that? Yaani, these folks never went to business school? Business names can make or break you, when I hear Smart Octopus, I think of ‘Betting’ (Remember Paul the octopus?) maybe that was their aim, because polling in this country is pure bullshit! Anyway Smart Octopus is already polling to find out who our next president is … dude?! It’s a year away, we have hunger destinations and photo ops to go to … can’t you read the mood?

Dear Miguna Miguna, you remind me of my bitter ex! Bitch never complained when she was nyonyaing my wallet and other things dry! The day I told her to kanyanga floor, she realized … oh wait! He has a small penis!!! And she shared that bit with everyone (it’s a lie btw, don’t believe anything she says)

On Media Madness, we use the word Fame Whore a lot … now time to bring it back … have y’all  noticed how everyone is eager to get on to a plane and head to Turkana? Question … HOW does it help unless you’re going there to WORK? Taking a photo and shedding a few tears is not work, nor is holding a tin and pouring grain for folks. Work, like actual work … ONLY doctors and medical personell should be heading to like Daabad, y’all are just famewhores! The money you’re using to fly there should towards the ACTUAL cause!

Still on this issue, I sat with a few urbanites who like Eric Latiff, insist Kenyans for Kenya is a MOVEMENT and we’re going to ‘SHOW’ the government WE CAN DO IT ON OUR OWN, girls and boys, please sit down. Thank you

Dear Janice, coffee is a BRILLIANT brain stimulant *Hands her a Java gift card* also this _ is called an underscore … yours a BIG capital in the morning fan.

Now, the latest fad is ‘Healthy Juices’ yaani akina Beetroot (my cucu calls it Beatrice) garlic and shit like that is made into a nasty juice.

Thing is, folks who indulge in this thing end up having mouths that smell like a day old salad. They open their mouth and Cockroaches QUIT and walk out! Kwanza like this morning … I sat to mama who WOULD NOT shut up!!!! I wonder how she even ‘gets it’

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